By's Musings

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Update on My Health

Friends, it’s been three months since my last post. It’s been a much longer absence than I intended. Three months may actually be the longest dry spell of writing in my entire career, not just my time as a blogger. I can’t ever remember any three month interval in which I did no serious or significant writing. It has been like I am in a boat, stuck in the middle of a lake, and I lost the winds in my sails. However, it is not as if I had run out of ideas on which to write. During those three months, I accumulated a list of more than 200 potential ideas for posts. However, during this period, whenever I sat down at my computer to write, something would happen and I could never finish my thoughts. Sometimes as I started to write, I couldn’t decide on the approach I needed to take to bring out the important aspects of the subject at hand. At other times, I would get into a topic and I found it had a mind of its own. It started going in a direction I didn’t want to go and I had to shut it down.

I finally decided to step up to the plate and follow the advice that, for years, I gave to scores of institutions that were struggling in the beginning stages of assessment programs. I would tell institutions to just pick an area and an approach, and then attack it. I would also suggest that after that first task was finished, the institution should celebrate its victory. The institution should then pick another topic, and go after it.  You make progress one topic at a time.

The first topic on which I have decided to write is an update on my health. I offer this posting, not as an excuse for the recent scarcity of posts, but as a partial explanation of my pain. It is also a request for your prayers and thoughts. The past five years have clearly taught me that God is a God of miracles, and not a God of my convenience. If not for the grace of God, I would not be writing anything. I have had six doctors in six different specialties tell me that there are no scientific or medical reasons to explain why I am still walking and talking, or even breathing.

After a life of excellent health, the past five years have been a long, trying journey. During this period, I have picked up a long list of problems which began with the rescission of a benign meningioma. This list of current conditions includes a mild case of aphasia, epilepsy,  abnormal involuntary movement (tremors), disturbed sensory perception (dysesthesia), organic hallucinosis (sensory hallucinations), fatigue, attention or concentration deficit, and mental status changes. These are complicated by another somewhat smaller list of conditions that I have picked up over the past ten years, independent of the brain tumor. This list includes atrial fibrillation and obstructive sleep apnea. Taken collectively these conditions have complicated my life and forced me to retire from full-time work within the academic world.

This fall as I strove to get my proposed coaching/consulting business, Higher Ed By Baylis LLC, and this blog, By’s Musings, off the ground, I have encountered some additional complications. Since the onset of my epilepsy four years ago, my seizures have been controlled by medication. However, earlier this fall I became concerned as I experienced several incidents of sensory overload, brought about by loud noise, quickly changing lights and my cross sensory perceptions. The confluence of these sensory experiences seemed to take me to the precipice of seizures. I developed intense headaches, became nauseated and momentarily lost track of where I was.

The intensity and frequency of headaches increased throughout the early fall until they reached their peak in mid-October. Thus, for the past eight weeks, I have experienced continuous headaches. The only things that change are intensity and location. I wake up with them in the morning. They wax and wane between “four” and “eight” on the normal ten-point pain scale. The headache moves around my head, fading out in one location, as it fades in at another location. As I wrote this paragraph, I found myself engaged in a metaphysical and grammatical argument: Am I experiencing one headache and I should use singular nouns and verbs; or is it many different headaches and I should use plural forms?

In an attempt to find answers, my neurologist ordered a DAT scan to determine if the tremors were related to the possible onset of Parkinson’s disease, and an MRI to determine if there have been any changes within my head. The DAT scan was negative. The good news from that report is that the tremors are not related to Parkinson’s disease. The bad news is the test doesn’t tell them what is causing the tremors. The results of the MRI were a little less positive. There is still a hole in my head where the tumor had been. There is still scar tissue approximately the size of a dime on my right frontal lobe where the tumor had been attached. Unfortunately, the new MRI showed some swelling in the surrounding area, along with a very small new growth within the hole. My neurosurgeon says that the growth and swelling are not extensive enough to be causing my headaches and other problems. However, any abnormalities in the brain area must be watched. Thus, I will have another MRI in three months. Depending upon the results of that MRI, it could be followed possibly by additional MRI in another three months to monitor the growth and swelling.

I know that God can heal me and I pray that He will do so. However, if God decides to do something else, I pray that I will be able to stand with Shadrach, Meshach, Abednego, and Job and say, ” My God is able to deliver me from these medical problems. If he does, the glory goes to Him. However, if He doesn’t, I will still serve Him. The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.” Please pray this prayer with me.

16 Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, answered and said to the king, O Nebuchadnezzar, we are not careful to answer thee in this matter. 17 If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of thine hand, O king. 18 But if not, be it known unto thee, O king, that we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up. (Daniel 3:16-18, KJV)

20 Then Job arose, and rent his mantle, and shaved his head, and fell down upon the ground, and worshipped, 21 And said, Naked came I out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return thither: the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord. (Job 1:20,21, KJV)

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Spiritual Tenacity: Examples from Scriptures

I introduced the topic of spiritual tenacity by referencing a recent sermon by our Associate Pastor, Rev. Richard Hall, at Calvary Baptist Church of York, PA. This post digs a little deeper into the topic by looking at several examples of tenacity from the Bible.

As I noted in the first post in this thread, my visual image of tenacity was the image of holding onto someone or something for dear life. It is a picture of hanging on with all of one’s strength, even in the face of overwhelming odds.

The first image that Pastor Hall painted for us was the image of the martyrs, the righteous saints of God dying for their faith. This image came right out of the letter to the church at Ephesus in Revelations, chapter 2:

 Fear none of those things which thou shalt suffer: behold, the devil shall cast some of you into prison, that ye may be tried; and ye shall have tribulation ten days: be thou faithful unto death, and I will give thee a crown of life. (Rev 2:10, KJV)

If a follower of Christ is faithful unto the death, besides the crown of life what awaits them? In Revelations chapter 6 we are told that they will be given white robes.  They will also remain at the altar and rest in the Lord until all the company of martyrs is complete.

And when he had opened the fifth seal, I saw under the altar the souls of them that were slain for the word of God, and for the testimony which they held…And white robes were given unto every one of them; and it was said unto them, that they should rest yet for a little season, until their fellowservants also and their brethren, that should be killed as they were, should be fulfilled. (Rev 6:9 & 11, KJV)

Therefore, what awaits  martyrs? Besides eternal life in heaven, there are three specific things. The first is a crown of life, which they gladly give back to the Savior. The second is a white robe which signifies being clean and free from the dirt of sin, and which stands in stark contrast to the deep crimson of the Savior’s blood which is the cleansing agent. The third thing is rest under the altar of God, which is in complete contrast with the state of their lives on earth leading up to their martyrdom. They are free of concern and pain.

If tenacity is the act of hanging on in the face of opposition, then there are two examples of tenacity that just jump off the pages of scripture at me. The first is the picture of Jacob wrestling with God, in Genesis 32:

And Jacob was left alone; and there wrestled a man with him until the breaking of the day. And when he saw that he prevailed not against him, he touched the hollow of his thigh; and the hollow of Jacob’s thigh was out of joint, as he wrestled with him. And he said, Let me go, for the day breaketh. And he said, I will not let thee go, except thou bless me. And he said unto him, What is thy name? And he said, Jacob. And he said, Thy name shall be called no more Jacob, but Israel: for as a prince hast thou power with God and with men, and hast prevailed. And Jacob asked him, and said, Tell me, I pray thee, thy name. And he said, Wherefore is it that thou dost ask after my name? And he blessed him there. And Jacob called the name of the place Peniel: for I have seen God face to face, and my life is preserved. (Genesis 32:24 – 30 KJV)

In the middle of the night Jacob is alone waiting for Esau who is coming to meet him. Since Jacob is worried that Esau is coming to destroy him and his family because of all that he had done to Esau, Jacob sends his family to the safety of the other side of the river. While waiting alone a man approaches and starts wrestling with Jacob. Is it real or a dream? For Jacob the exertion and the results are real.  Jacob showed the tenacity to hang onto God for a blessing, and God rewarded him for it.

The second picture is the picture of the eternal security of those in the hands of God. In the gospel of John, Jesus replying to a direct question from unbelieving Jews as to whether He was the Christ, says,

My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me: And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand. My Father, which gave them me, is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of my Father’s hand. I and my Father are one. (John 10: 27-30, KJV)

Paul reinforces this teaching in his letter to the church in Rome.

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter. Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8: 35 – 39, KJV)

This idea of the tenacity of God, holding onto His sheep or children is not just a New Testament idea. We also find it in the Psalms. Psalm 73 is labeled as a Psalm or song of Asaph, the first music director of the temple singers. Asaph’s name means the gatherer. Asaph could have been the author, transcriber or just the collector. In this Psalm we read

Nevertheless I am continually with thee: thou hast holden me by my right hand. Thou shalt guide me with thy counsel, and afterward receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee. My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever. For, lo, they that are far from thee shall perish: thou hast destroyed all them that go a whoring from thee. But it is good for me to draw near to God: I have put my trust in the Lord God, that I may declare all thy works. (Psalms 73:23-28, KJV)

Again we see the picture of God tenaciously holding the hand of His children and followers. David echos this picture in Psalm 139:

Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it. Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence? If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me. (Psalms 139:5-10, KJV)

The picture of God tenaciously holding onto His children and His children tenaciously holding onto Him is all throughout the Bible. Returning to Pastor Hall’s sermon, he used a second word to describe the reciprocal relationship that God desires with his children.

That word was resolute. Pastor Hall used the example of Abraham Lincoln in his resolute desire to end slavery and to preserve the union. I had my own pictures of resolute. As I mentioned in the first post in this thread,  I have spoken about resolve in earlier posts, “Aphasia is not the end of the world”  and “Epilepsy is not the end of the world.”  

In these posts I told the story of the H.M.S. Resolute that was caught in the ice in Northern Canada in the bay that was later to be known as Resolute Bay. It was a story of determined survival. For me, the word resolute carries with it the picture of determination, persistence, and especially determined persistence. In my next post in this thread, I will further address this concept that is closely related to tenacity.

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Spiritual Tenacity

In late July, the Assistant Pastor at our church, Calvary Baptist Church of York, PA, preached a sermon entitled Spiritual Tenacity, based on Acts 14 and Paul’s experiences at Lystra, and Paul’s instructions to his mentee Timothy in II Timothy 3:14,

But continue thou in the things which thou hast learned and hast been assured of, knowing of whom thou hast learned them; (KJV)

Before the Pastor began his sermon, just its title sent my mind racing. What does tenacity mean? What does it look like? Earlier in July, Gettysburg celebrated the 150th anniversary of that great battle. There had been numerous mentions of the tenacity of both sides of the battle as they faced off against each other on Cemetery Ridge during the climatic conclusion of the battle known as Pickett’s Charge. I will speak more of this view of tenacity in a later post.

What dominated my thinking about tenacity during the prelude to the service was the idea of tenacity referring to the ability to persevere, to “hang in there,” or to hold on in the face of tremendous odds or overwhelming opposition. I kept visualizing two pictures that I had taken during a trip to the far U.S. Northwest in the year 2000.

The first was a picture of my wife. It was taken along the Road to Paradise in Mt. Rainier National Park, at the Martha Falls Viewpoint, next to the 100 feet deep Steven’s Canyon cut out by Unicorn Creek, which is fed by melting glaciers on Mt. Rainier. The picture makes it appear as if she is tenaciously hanging on for dear life to keep from falling into the gorge behind her. However, this picture is deceiving because she is actually standing on a 20 foot wide ledge between the rock in the picture and the edge of the cliff.

My wife hanging on for dear life

The second photograph that came to mind was the picture of a hemlock tree which is at least 50-years old judging by its size and shape. The tree is growing out of what appears to be a solid rock near Inspiration Point, at the edge of the “Grand Canyon of Yellowstone” a ruggedly beautiful gorge cut out of rocks by the Yellowstone River.

The hemlock tree probably started out as a little seedling in a small pile of dirt on top of a rock ledge. As it grew bigger and bigger its roots wormed their way into fissures in the weathered rock. As the tree grew older and stronger, the roots tenaciously dug into the rock to grab onto a solid foothold.  The tree now stands firm near the edge of a 1000 foot gorge that sees heavy winter storms, lots of snow and winds. It has tenaciously dug its roots into the rock in order to maintain its stability.

Tenacious tree on the edge of a huge abyss

These are my pictures of tenacity. The perseverance to hold on in the face of insurmountable odds and opposition.

The service began with the singing of the hymn “I am Resolved,“  a classic late 19th century hymn written by Palmer Harsough (words) and James H. FIllmore, Sr. (music) which speaks to the resolve and tenacity required of a follower of Christ.

Verse 4

I am resolved to enter the kingdom
Leaving the paths of sin;
Friends may oppose me, foes may beset me,
Still will I enter in.

Refrain:

I will hasten to Him, hasten so glad and free;
Jesus, greatest, highest, I will come to Thee.
I will hasten, hasten to Him, hasten so glad and free;
Jesus, Jesus, greatest, highest, I will come to Thee.

 Resolve is another great word which has its own visual images for me. I have spoken about resolve in earlier posts, “Aphasia is not the end of the world”  and “Epilepsy is not the end of the world.” However, the sermon and songs brought new visuals to my mind. The first picture of resolute that came to my mind was the picture of a dying Jim Valvano accepting the Arthur Ashe Courage and Humanitarian Award at the 1993 ESPY Awards Ceremony. I invite you to watch this 11 minute video provided by the Jimmy V Foundation for Cancer Research. Click on the link below and open it in a new window. It defines resolute better than I could ever find the words to do so.

   Jim Valvano: Never give up; Don’t ever give up

Returning to the church service, Pastor Hall used several incidents from the life of Christ and Paul to introduce us to spiritual tenacity. Why do we need spiritual tenacity? From where does it come? Since this is such an important message, I will speak to those in another post.

To my friends and all others who might happen by this blog, in the words of Jimmy V, “Never give up; don’t ever give up.”