Living with aphasia and epilepsy has reminded me of a very important lesson in life. That lesson is that: “We are all different. One individual is not necessarily better than another. He or she may just be different.” What am I talking about? Four incidents in my life have reinforced this lesson. You might say that I have been a slower learner.
The first incident was an automobile accident more than thirty years ago. I was stopped waiting to make a left-hand turn and I was rear-ended by a car doing forty miles per hour. Due to the whiplash caused by the accident, the back of my head struck the head rest, breaking it off. In doing so, I suffered a serious concussion that permanently affected my sense of taste. Ever since that accident, everything has tasted salty. For more than thirty years, I have not had to salt any food at the table. For a short time after the accident, I had a memory of what food “actually tasted like.” After thirty years, the memory of “true taste” has faded away. What should have this taught me about the difference in people? We observe the world through our senses. My sense of taste is different from yours. Because they are different, that doesn’t make one any better than the other.
The final three incidents are all related to just one episode. A blood vessel in a benign tumor in my brain burst, giving the appearance of a stroke and leaving me with many of the same after effects as those of a stroke. The first of those effects is that my physical ability to get around has been diminished. Prior to this episode, I was considered athletic. Until my knees gave out a couple of years ago, I had played fairly competitive basketball and softball for more than fifty years. Over the years, I had four different college basketball coaches invite me to come in and teach their teams how to set picks. Today I need a cane to walk about outside our house. If I am going to walk any distance, I need a stroller with a seat in case I must sit down. Today I have a handicap parking hang-tag to permit us to park in those special parking spots. Was the athletic me any better than the challenged me? I am still me. I am just different.
A second result of either the burst blood vessel filling my cranial cavity with blood or the subsequent removal of the benign tumor is a mild case of aphasia. Aphasia literally means “a loss of words.” It is a communication disorder which affects my ability to use or understand written or oral language. It hasn’t affected my mental capacities, just my ability to use words in a timely fashion. I can still analyze situations as well as I did before. I just can’t respond to them as quickly as I previously did. I know what I want to say, I just can’t find the right words to express it quickly. I need more time to write articles like this, but I can still write. Was the old me better? I am still me, I am just different.
Also as a result of this episode, I had four grand-mal seizures and am now labeled epileptic. Although I am on anti-seizure medication, my wife and I must be on guard for the signs of another seizure. Since not enough time has elapse since my last large seizure, my driving privileges have been taken away from me. Does not being able to drive make me less of a person? I don’t think so now. Prior to this happening to me, I might have thought so.
Before these incidents and after effects, I know I thought differently. I now see why we need to do everything we can to “even out the playing field” in school and work situations for people with challenges. I am more sympathetic to students who need extra time on tests and assignments. They are not lesser persons. All of their capabilities have not necessarily been affected. They can be just as smart. They may just be a little slower. They may even see or taste things in a new and different way that can lend a new perspective to a problem and lead to a new and different solution. My continual salty taste has had one advantage. Coffee that tastes bitter to other people actually tastes okay to me.
For people who see differences as signs of being less of a person, I am not recommending that we need to beat them up one-side of their head and down the other until they change their mind, even though that’s what it took for me.
You certainly have found the proper words to express yourself in this post. These are great life lessons that we can all learn from! Thank you so much for sharing these reminders with us. There is one important thing I took away from my life experiences: It is not about our disabilities. Rather it is about our Abilities!
Thank you for sharing your personal stories and helping remind us of the strengths all individuals hold!
Tara
Thank you. YOur encouragement is like a ray of sunshine. It has improved a very dreary Saturday afternoon here where we are waiting for a big snow storm to hit tonight. One thing I wish is that I could have recognized these things when I was in the classroom. I have to trust that I didn’t scar or hurt too many students by not looking for their abilities, instead of trying to stuff them into the mold into which the academy said all students should fit.
I learned to do most things the same time my youngest daughter was learning. I always said that was my greatest gifts to my children. When they struggled to learn to tie their shoes, I knew it was okay. Sometime the fine motor skills take awhile to develop. If they tripped because they did not see something, I did not scold them for being careless. I was learning that when you are seeing the world for the first time, it can be too much to take in.
I hope everyone can take something from your story: Give everyone a chance. Most people can amaze you at what they can work around. This, after all, is a lesson you are demonstrating each and every day.
I send you warm wishes from the coast of California!
Tara
Tara,
Thanks again you for kind and wise words. You had to mention warm. Here in Michigan, it was +5 degrees with a wind chill of -5. I am amazed each day at what I remember. The fun part is that there doesn’t seem to be a pattern to what I remember and what I don’t with one glaring exception. I have a great deal of difficulty with names. I know that there is word for missing faces orface recognition, Faces I remember, at least I can usually tell you in what context we have interacted. Maybe that’s the pattern. I can recognize visual images, but words are lost. SInce names are words, thus names are lost.
SPeaking of what I remember and what I don’t remember, I remember seeing the Eagles video of their renunion tour. I had to look up the title, “Hell Freezes Over” (Words again) However, I remember that twice in the concert, Glenn Fry (I had to look up his name) came out and addressed the audience. One time he said “This is where it all began.” That phrase can be such a powerful phrase and it stuck with me and I have tried to use it a couple of times in different venues in telling my story. As the band hit the first couple of notes of their song”Taking it Easy” the audience burst into a thundering round of applause. I remembered the scene. I couldn’t remember the name of the song. Is it words again? Once I looked up the title of the song, I remembered the melody and could even remember most of the words to the opening verse.
SInce my seizures, my wife has had to do all he driving for both of us. I find it interesting to observe the differences in how we prefer to receive directions to new locations. I prefer a map. SHe prefers a list of streets with turning instructions. I was a mathematician. I believe spacial and quantitative fluency are related. After we have been some where I can usually remember where to turn, but I can’t remember the names of the streets.
The second time Fry addressed the audience gave a hint at the title of the tour. Fry said, “Just to set the record straight,’We never retired, We just took a 14 year vacation.” The jacket of the album continued the explanation when one of the band members is quoted as saying, We will never play again, until….’ Why I remembered these scenes, I don’t know.
i have greatly enjoyed reading your blog. May I point others to it? What is the best address to use. This past week the posting on gratitude was especially signigicant for me. I had just finished reading an article in The Chronicle of Higher Education that praised ingratitude in the academy. The author begins the article by saying that academics are trained to be negative and that is a positive for the academy. He infered that gratitude breeds satisaction; satisfaction breeds contentment; and contentment breed compliancy. While ingratitude breeds dissatisfaction with the status quo; and dissatistisfction with the status quo sets the table for advancement. I wanted to yell, “It doesn’t have to be that way. and It shouldn’t be. THere is plenty of room within the academy for gratitude, and in fact, we need more of it.”
Merry Christmas
By Baylis
Before my episode, I loved to cook. BUt I frustrated my wife, because I didn’t like to clen up the mess I made in cooking. Again there was a drastic difference in how my wife and I approached cooking. She is a a recipe person. I used to kid her that she needed a recipe to scramble eggs. On my part, I almost never used a recipe. I had a sense of what I wanted in the dish and how I wanted it to taste, so I would grab things out of the cabinet or refrigerator and mix them all together. As you can guess, I was not a cake baker, I prefer to cook sauses and soups. I would even spice up scambled eggs with different mixtures of ingredients.
Now, is it specifically names that you have trouble remembering or labels of everything? Not remembering names is a specific type of aphasia if I remember correctly. Which one is that…..nominal aphasia maybe?? I will have to get out an old text and look it up. I feel for you though, it must be a daily frustration trying to reach for words that escape you. Wouldn’t it be nice if the world would slow down some days to go at the pace we live now?? Ah, a pleasant thought! I think people would find a lot more peace.
I loved your point of “…gratitude breeds satisfaction; satisfaction breeds contentment; and contentment breed compliancy.” What an interesting thought that I had never read before. These words contain an amazing amount of truth. I can’t wait to share this paragraph with a professor I know!
I would be honored if you were to share my story through my blog http://findingstrengthtostandagain.wordpress.com/
And, please try to warm up – I will send you warm thoughts. It was 82 here yesterday. I took pictures of ripe olives on a tree, the palm trees with blue skies lining the background and my daughters playing in the pool. This is definitely a good place to be stuck for a few years! 🙂
Warm Regards,
Tara