This past Thanksgiving my wife and I split a week between our two daughts and their families. One daughter has a daughter who is 13. The other daughter has 2 boys, aged 10 and 6, a daughter aged 4. Our daughters, who live over 500 miles away from us, are only 20 miles away from each other. Until two years ago, with my schedule in the academy, it was always easier for my wife and I to travel and visit them for the holidays. We would be there for both Thanksgiving and Christmas.
The year 2009 was the first break in that routine. Thanksgiving came eight months after my traumatic brain episode. I had been cleared to drive some, but not for long periods at a time. Since my wife does not like driving in snowy weather, we decided that the weather would be a better bet in November. So we told the kids that we would come for Thanksgiving. We then scheduled a number of required follow-up examines for me in December and January. So we had our first experience of CHristmas in November.
It really turned out to be the right decision because on December 30, with my wife driving me home from a doctor’s appointment, I had a grand mal seizures. I was unconscious, so she called 911 and the ambulance arrived very quickly. On the ride to the hospital, I never regained consciousness. In fact I had three more seizures in the ambulance before I got to the hospital.
Throughout 2010, I had to fight the effects of epilepsy, fatigue, auras and the uncertainty of what might be next. As Thanksgiving and Christmas approached, my wife and I decided to travel over Thanksgiving and stay at home over Christmas. Our daughters agreed completely with the decision. The grandkids especially the three younger ones were dissapointed.
Throughout the Thanksgiving visit ,it was obvious to everyone that something was different with Pop Pop. He was constantly fatigued. Noise, bright lights and commotions bothered him. He could not play the video games with the boys that he used to play with them for hours.
Our older granddaughter is a very smart young teenager. She went to church with us the Sunday after Thanksgiving. My wife and I went to the church we went to when we lived in that area 15 years ago. We saw many old friends most of whom knew what had happened to me. Our granddaughter overheard several conversations where people were asking about particulars of my condition. In one of those conversations, the individuals said that it was a miracle that I was still alive and doing so well. I didn’t think about our granddaughter being right there, so I replied that I had four different doctors tell me that they had no medical explanation as to why I was still alive. I continued by saying that I told the doctors I understood what they were saying, but I knew why I was still alive. Three of my doctors said tht they understood the role God played in medicine.
Later that day, our granddaughter asked her mother if Pop Pop had epilepsy. Out granddaughter had some idea of what that meant because her father’s sister has it, and one of her cousins had tried to explain it to our granddaughter when she asked him why her aunt didn’t drive anymore and why he had to do all the driving. Our daughter told our granddaughter about my seizures. Later our granddaughter told our daughter what she had heard at the church. She also told our daughter that she knew why Pop Pop was still alive. “He is still alive, because he is so special.”
When my wife and I got home, in a conversation with our daughter who is the mother of the three kids, I asked her if they had asked any questions about why Pop Pop couldn’t play with them like he used to. She said that they hadn’t asked any questions. The only thing the boys said was that Pop Pop was tired all the time. The six-year made a comment that “all old people with white hair get tired” 🙂 (that was his great wisdom!)
I have a question for those of you who have had more experience in dealing with epilepsy of grandparents who are not constantly in contact with young grandchildren. When, how much and who should tell the grandchildren?
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